omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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