I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
