Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
