actually, I'm a sock model
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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