I am full of burrito and curiosity
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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