i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
