I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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