I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
