um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
