just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
