R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize