My brain says no but my pants say off.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
