is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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