Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Shame - the story of my life.
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