There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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