I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
