and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
