so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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