I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
