I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
