it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
