hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize