Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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