fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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