You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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