I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
