im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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