Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize