Soap is not a condiment
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
