The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
