toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
