This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize