I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
