Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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