think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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