Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize