Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i think my cat just said my name.
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