I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize