It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
