some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
