I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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