nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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