My brain says no but my pants say off.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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