2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize