If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize