I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My pussy is not your playground.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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