Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
