Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
