Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Boobs speak an international language.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
