he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
