youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize