I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize