i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
