he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
