handjob tips. give me some.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
