So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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