He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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