there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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