i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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