I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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