Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
this hospital has no fireball
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
