need another drink. this is the easiest way
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
