So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
