you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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