why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
