this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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