Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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