Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
