I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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