My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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