I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
