I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
As shirtless as possible
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
