Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
