so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
