So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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